Death Never Came
by Aeroshi
Summary: The pendulum of a clock ticks back and forth in time with life, but when it stops is life truly gone? Or can it continue on even when other think it won’t?


**Death Never Came**

By: Aeroshi

Summery: The pendulum of a clock ticks back and forth in time with life, but when it stops is life truly gone? Or can it continue on even when other think it won't? 

Disclaimer: Aeroshi does not own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of the characters that are in the show. Of course she would love to, like every other Yu Yu Hakusho fan out there, but that is just a very distant dream.

Sometimes life seems so confusing that you would give anything to just give up anything to just to get away from it for even a day. You would do anything that was in your power to just end your life, even though you would miss everyone you know and everything that you like. Life is like that sometimes though, the past comes to haunt you sometimes, and life seems like it is never going to be worth living again. But anytime that happens you should just go on with your life, because it will brighten up sometime.

Shuuichi rolled is eyes after he thought of that. He knew that it would get better and that it was nothing to get upset about. But when his past came up to haunt him, it was always worse then it was the time before when that happened. It was always the same memories, the same people, the same places, actions and words, but every time that he relived those moments he wished he could just lay down and die.

He rolled over in his bed, tugging the blanket up to his chin and stared at the ceiling, listening to the sounds as the cars drove by on the street below. He always abhorred this time of the night because this is when the images of the past would come back at full force, causing him not to be able to sleep the rest of the night. That is usually why he stayed up as late as he could so he would be extremely tired and might be able to sleep through the night. It worked sometimes but times like tonight, it just made him wake up during the night.

He sighed, knowing that he would probably not be able to get any rest for the remained of the night, so he stood up, placing his feet on the cold carpet in his floor. This sent a chill up his spine, but soon he brushed it off and walked out of the room into the hallway, being sure to be quiet so he wouldn't wake his mother in the process of going downstairs. He had done that once and pretended to be asleep as he walked down the hall, so she had locked him in his room at night for about a month to 'cure' his sleepwalking disorder.

He made sure that would never happen again. He hated being limited to only one room at night. Did she even think about what he would do if he had to go to the bathroom? Or if there was a fire? Of course he could easily jump out of the window in a case such as the second one, but did she actually even think of what problems she was going to be causing by locking him in his room? He shrugged off the problem that had happened many months ago, it wasn't worth worrying about now, it was in the past, and it wasn't worth living in the past.

He mentally slapped himself at saying it wasn't worth living in the past. He could be such a hypocrite to himself at times. Why would he say that when he would only be destined to live in the past almost ever night? Sometimes he wished he could just erase all the memories of his past, or most of them at least. There were only very few he would rather keep, but those good thoughts eventually connected to bad thoughts, so why would he want to keep them?

Kuronue, that's why.

He closed his eyes tightly at the thought of that name. Why did he have to think of him right now? Why couldn't it wait until morning when he could occupy himself with something else to think of, like school? He could always just pay attention to the teacher and then sooner or later the thoughts of his ex-partner would cease to stay clear in his mind for a while.

He reopened his eyes that were wet with a few tears that he refused to let fall. He had already let more tears fall from his eyes over Kuronue then he had anyone else in both his lives. He had spent enough of his time dwelling in the past memories of his friend, and didn't want to have to do it anymore, because whenever he was reminded of those memories they all eventually led up to one thing.

Death.

They all led up to Kuronues' death. And that was the worst memory of all of them, for it was his fault that Kuronue had died, he could've helped him, he knew he could've. He clenched his fists at his side angry at himself for reminding himself of those particular thoughts. Why couldn't he be just like everyone else, living without being bothered of a past life?

He slowly unclenched his fists and let the salty moisture fall from his eyes, unable to hold the tears back any longer then he already had. He slowly sank to his knees on the floor and then hugged then to his chest. He let the tears fall silently down his cheeks and closed his eyes, not noticing a light that had flickered on upstairs and the sound of someone walking down the stairs trying to be quiet.

"Shuuichi? Are you ok?" Shori said as she quickly ran to her sons' side, unsure of why he was sitting in the dark living room, crying, at this time of night. She looked at the pained expression on his face and rubbed his back trying to comfort him. Before he could answer her question though she had asked another. "Are you feeling sick?" She asked still trying to sooth him.

Kurama nodded, knowing he shouldn't lie to his mother, but not wanting to have to tell her the real truth, that he had been the reason for his best-friends death over one-hundred years ago. She would then probably suspect that he was lying and that he was mentally sick, not physically. He didn't want to have to deal with psychiatrists again. When he was younger his mother sent him to those doctors to see what the matter with him was and why he treated her so badly.

He had to admit that he did treat her like trash when he was younger, but he hoped that he had made it up to her by acting the way he did now. If he hadn't stopped acting like that he would probably be back at the psychiatrists' office being asked questions for the whole hour and a half that he would be made to sit there. After a while he got sick of going there for what seemed like an eternity and changed his ways, later realizing that he was there for a pretty good reason.

"Let's get you back to bed, hunny. I'll get you some medicine and water, ok?" Shori asked her son as she helped him to his feet and walked him up the stairs, soon leaving him at the top of the stairs as he walked back into his room and she went back downstairs to get the medicine and the water that she had promised him a few moments ago.

He trudged back into his room and laid back into his bed, wiping the tears out of his eyes and cursing himself for letting his mother see him in the state he was currently in, and now he had made her worried for his health. He hated himself right now. He absolutely hated himself.

Shori walked back in and handed him two pills and a glass of water which he quickly used to drink down the pills. He felt his throat loosen as he drank down the water, enjoying the moment of relaxation that he knew he didn't deserve. He hated himself for giving into these simple pleasures when he was in this state. It made him feel weak, and not only feel weak, but also feel unneeded, and not who he was supposed to be. He wasn't the calm collected Kurama that others saw him as.

Shori took the empty glass from him and leaned over to him, kissing him on the forehead. "I hope you feel better in the morning. You can sleep in seeing as it is Sunday." She said and then left the room, quietly closing the door behind her and going down the stairs once again that night to put the glass away.

Kurama sighed, now exhausted from the crying and the memories that had attacked his mind and body that night. All he wanted now was to sleep and forget all about tonight until morning finally came. And before another thought had entered his head, he slowly slipped into the comforting state of unconsciousness.

Authors Note: I know this chapter was very boring, but I need something to build onto so it will get better. If you don't know who Kuronue is, he was Kurama's old partner (who is only seen and mentioned in the second Yu Yu Hakusho movie, "Poltergeist Report." Even though it isn't even really him) who was killed in an accident. For a picture of him (if you need one) you can go to (nope, not my site so don't think it is) and by the way, the pendent that he is swinging in the picture (the little red gem-like thing on a chain) will be very important in the fic later on.


End file.
